Reno's Dummy guide to Valentine's Day
by Amaranthos
Summary: Reno gives advice. Ladies, prepare yourselves and whatever you do, hold on to your lingerie…


**Reno's dummy guide to Valentine's day  
**Amaranthos_  
_

_Note:  
__Reno is modeled as his same egotistical-self, but he's more grown up and he has a lot of good things to say. This story has mild cursing, some mentioning of sex but in a very platonic way and it has a healthy splash of Cloud and Tifa. _

**Dedicated: Nick, my wonderful boyfriend whose been with me for 6 years.**

* * *

"Good day everyone, today we have a very special speaker whose going to talk to us about love. Now I know with the Valentine's season fast approaching, a lot of you are questioning how do you approach the festive day, do you enjoy in its splendor or do you cope otherwise" An elderly woman started. "Joining us from the Shinra Electric company is none other than a man whose served for the well-being of others, protecting the young and old and returning Edge day by day to its original splendor. Some may call him trouble-maker, other's the unintentional heartbreaker, so now without further adieu, if you would help me welcome, our own Mr. Sinclair" the elderly woman started..

"Oh Barbara, please…call me Reno" he smoothly flicked his hair back and shot the crowd with a toothy grin.

The crowd of generous size, no bigger than thirty people, applauded on the red-head's presence.

He wavered at the crowd and had them desist their applause.

"Good day everyone, for those of you who don't know me – which is sorta impossible, the name's Reno for you. As Barbara mentioned I work for the Shinra Electric company and I am a certified vigilante of the peace, so to speak." He paused, "now a little back story, and a funny one at that, Barbara actually coaxed me into talking to you guys about Valentine's day. This comes from an incident with her younger sons, Trent and Virgil who are the strangest twins till this day. I'll explain, one of these guys is such a pro with the ladies, and the other has absolutely no ladies luck. Why? She didn't know. They look exactly the same and you could easily pass one off for the other. Barbara mentioned if I could give her son some advice, and like the good Samaritan I am, I gave him some advice, and score he landed himself the jackpot. Let's just say _little johnny_ was up to his eyeballs in girls. Hallelujah!" Reno paused for a loud applause, "now I know what you're thinking – hmm, whose this redhead whose giving us all this back story and hasn't even gotten to the point yet?! Believe me audience, if I was in your position I'd be out the door by second sentence, but it's important I do this to warm you guys to who I am. I may not know all of you on a personal level, but I want to get to that level of personal comfort when we begin discussing Valentine's day, and what better way than sharing a bit of who I am and how I've come to this point. To be honest, I have never been to one of these gatherings nor am I very sensitized about – should I write stuff down or just wing it. If you know me, you'll know I'm a pretty laid back guy. I'm that sorta lazy-looking-type-bum, who just goes with the flow until crud hits the sealing. Now after the success story with Barbara's son, she and I had a discussion about signing me up for one of these sessions. Personally speaking, I'm one of those guys who does the whole stage-thing, that and I don't share my secrets. I'm selfish audience, boohoo. But if anyone knows Barbara, they know she's a shrewd woman who could convince even the most cunning of men, I mean Sephiroth would have no problem buying cookies if she were a scout's girl. And here is where you'll find me… talking to you peeps" Reno stopped to sit on a stool on the stage.

"So lets talk sex." Reno started…

A few women gasped. Reno laughed, "I'm kidding…come on audience, take a joke. Lighten up. Come on lets do a little exercise. On the count of three we'll take a couple deep breaths. Ready? One….Inhale….Two, Exhale….Three, inhale and four, let it out. Alright, you guys feeling a little more relaxed?" the crowd cheered.

"Good good. Now before I begin I just want to put out a little disclaimer. The first being, everything I'm talking about today is from years of experience and my personal trail and error. I understand that some of the things I say may be insensitive - as my friends call it, but lets just say it takes perspective from all sides to know the whole truth, yah? Alrightie then!" he smirked.

"So, Valentine's day" Reno said aloud, rather idly.

"What's that mean? Audience?" Reno questioned.

A small laughter circulated, and Reno could tell they were still uneasy about the interaction.

"I'll tell yah what it means. It's the one time of year every man in Edge, is practically broke. Literally."

The audience laughed.

"This shinanagism has even caught on to the kids and before you know it, the entire world is practically involved in the antics of exchanging gifts, having an excessive amount of PDA –, and this lovey-dovey paranoia. Heck, even Rufus - has a thing for sending out boatloads of roses to Strife's girl, lord knows how many times she's flipped out about that." He playfully said.

"So how many of you question yourselves and the idea of love and Valentine's? Do they go hand in hand? Or is it a nice play on the heartstrings? Ahhh yes, our first commenter, would you introduce yourself.." Reno started.

"Reno you idiot, you know who I am. You practically begged me to come" Yuffie growled.

The crowd laughed at the fiery young woman's rebuttal.

"But for those who don't know me. I'm Yuffie Kisarugi the White Rose -

"Yuffie, we don't have all day. Point please" Reno interjected her.

She fumed.

"Well as I was _about _to say, I think love and Valentine's definitely go hand in hand. I mean it's a festive day celebrating all the sweet goodness of love and lovers. How could they not go hand in hand?" Yuffie questioned, taking her seat.

A few women nodded at her reply.

"Interesting, Yuffie." Reno paused, "But seriously what do you really see around Valentine's? Well I'll tell you - red-hearted balloons, pink boxes of chocolate, scented candles, voluminous displays of red roses and the specials on fine jewelry – they seem planted like special checkpoints around each corner. Even if you wanted to be Mr. or Ms. Lonely, and rid yourselves of the false romantic disillusion, SORRY buddy, it's not happening. You see what most people don't realize about Valentine's is that its a mind game. It's the one time of year both men and women, mostly men, go out of their ways and make things seemingly perfect. But seriously, is perfection only suitable for one day? I mean come on, are we seriously going to buy the chocolates and alcohol and have ourselves some good love-making, only to pretend we're living in perfection? While Yuffie pointed love and Valentine's go hand in hand, it's true to some point but remember everyday could be Valentine's but how long could you live in that disillusion?"

Someone in the crowd whistled.

"Too deep? Okay, no problem..lets back it up" Reno started.

"A volunteer, anyone female" a few hands went up.

"You, the redhead miss, would you come right up"

A young woman nervously approached the stage. She sat on a second stool next to Reno facing the crowd.

"Tell me, what's your name" Reno asked.

"Jessie" she blushed.

"You're kind of cute Jessie…" he winked. She blushed harder. "Ever thought about celebrating Valentine's with someone like me?" he smirked.

She innocently shook her head. "Want to make it happen?" he asked sexily.

She said nothing, but kept very reserved.

"Let me ask you something, did you realize I just flirted with you?" Reno asked.

"Yes" she responded

"Do you think my interests in you were sincere?" Reno asked.

She gave him a vulnerable stare.

"The truth is, they were and I'd gladly go out with you had I not been taken already" he whispered, "but did anyone realize I so craftily displayed the message of Valentine's in the way it's sold to us? I mean we walk around thinking love is in the air – buying that boyfriend of yours 500 dollar gifts, buying your girlfriend that expensive ring and still we're using the word buying in the same sentence. I dare you to be broke-ass and see how much that boyfriend or girlfriend loves you. Does it say something? Yeah, it sorta does… it says like a bitch to the face, Valentine's is a materialistic season, designed to suck your money, have you gripped for sex and thinking perfection as if, it could be achieved. My dear Jessie, you have witnessed through the power of my flirtation the sweet-talking and commercialism of Valentine's."

"So can I ask you a question" a elderly woman asked, "thus far I've heard you mentioned Valentine's day as a money-sucking sport, filled of the unoriginal thought called perfection. Tell me, what have you come to teach us then, if not about love itself?" she asked.

"Yes I did come to talk about love, but I also came to talk about it in the perspective of Valentine's day, which is fast around the corner. So..bear with me.." he smiled.

"So this is a question for the guys in the crowd and well you ladies feel free to opt in if you know the answer" he started, "so guys, what's the one thing you expect the most on Valentine's?" he asked.

"Cookies" Yuffie shouted out.

Everyone laughed.

"Sweet loving" a man whistled in the crowd.

"Bingo" Reno laughed, "and ladies, how do you give your guys what they deserve?" he asked, "I'll tell yah, its no astrophysics, but men, lingerie and sex are sorta somewhere in that infinite loop. Women, I'm addressing you. A lot times some of you could be a bit - outlandish with your requests. First you want the appointment to the fanciest restaurant, then you want chocolates, roses, a gift and other things. Some women have such a horrible attitude they nullify the whole experience because it isn't how they envisioned it. Ladies, if you had it envisioned a certain way, then honey maybe you should have done the preparations instead of being …lay-zee. So point one, notice what a brother does. Point two – reward that brother over, above and beyond his wildest dreams. Now ladies, men are not as complicated as make them sound. Yeah, every so often we stretch like a rubberband, but say what, that's another story, the truth is you don't even have to buy us a fancy Lamborghini – though fellas, if you get one - shut up and take it. All you need to do, is skip the chocolates, skip the gift giving and get straight into the dessert giving. Buy some nice lingerie, erotic oils and men go nuts for that shit..seriously, don't complicate what's already a simple thing." Reno pointed out

By this time the crowd got more excited.

A woman popped up and started, "that leads me to an interesting question. Lingerie comes in all types nowadays, what's the preference for men – the experimental-kinky pieces or the good old fashion, black piece?" she asked

"Well sweetheart, its simple. There's a rule to lingerie you guys might wanna pen down. Lingerie should be a fifty-fifty ratio. I think lingerie is already a very intentional garment that is often very self-explanatory. And in my experiences I've found that a woman who's had lingerie covering the good stuff but left some parts exposed, further appeased my experience. What it does is coyly mask the garment's intention of - take me, but rather there is some play, some mystery and a minx in that garment. A good piece of lingerie should work for you, for your shape, for your curves, for your assets. Yeah, there's the crazy-kinky-lingerie selling, but come on, what do you prefer, experimental weirdness or sweet passionate love-making? So ladies, find that special piece, own it and don't let it own you – show some of your personality. Are we taking notes?" he asked.

Everyone cheered.

"Good good. Now the next thing I want to talk you guys is the level of expectation. I'll give you a funny story. I don't know how many of you know Sephiroth – you know, the dude who nearly wiped us out? Great, we all know him. Tell me, what's the first thing you see in someone like Sephiroth, anyone?" he asked.

"He's evil!" someone shouted.

"He's a freak!" another shouted, "He's an experiment"

"Actually you're all wrong." Reno said, "Truth is, Sephiroth is actually a very handsome man" Reno admitted, "I think what we're doing is letting our fast thinking affect our critical thinking. Which is easy to mess up, considering we've all had history with Sephiroth. But throw away the history and lets examine this specimen called Sephiroth. Back in the General's day, he was revered and idolized by women. No one had attention like the good ole General. Seriously…this guy had the ladies down. But on the flipside, Sephiroth was a short-tempered, curt, dismissive character. He was never interested in women but did that stop them? Nope, not one damn bit. So lets do a little exercise. Imagine a really hot guy whose attitude sucks, would you date him but more importantly keep him as a Valentine?" he asked, "I'm pretty sure more than seven-eighths of you would keep him. What's that say about you? Are you shallow?" he asked, "damn right you are!"

"Lets do some cross comparison. Imagine a second guy who isn't Mr. Hot, who wasn't as toned like the General but had the sweetest heart. Would you keep him as a Valentine?" he asked, "maybe you would but only to shamelessly use him, but not without having someone else on the side…maybe? Maybe…"

A woman started to her feet, "isn't that a very sexist assumption you're making? You're making it sound that's all women are interested in. Not to sound vindictive, but weren't you the one to be sexist about the lingerie thing for men? Are you therefore, trying to say both and men and women are primitive, because surely there's room for lots of insult in what you're saying" the woman stormed.

"Lady… you could tell me I'm sexist about men and lingerie and I'd say, damn yes a thousand times. But to deny for one second an ugly duckling had a chance with someone as fine as Tifa Lockhart but with an attitude like yours… hmm, I'd say.. it wouldn't happen. I understand you're feeling offended, but as I've mentioned these are my views, and I can't give perspective if I don't touch sensitive topics." He said, "yeah?"

She rolled her eyes.

"As I was saying, what if you really wanted a gold bracelet for Valentine's and both men presented you with their gifts. Guy A – Mr. Goodlooking-who-sucks-at-being-nice gave you a fake gold bracelet, while Guy B – Mr. Friendzoned gave you more than just your gold bracelet, for craps sake he gave you a bracelet with your name etched on. What do you do?" Reno asks.

"I'll tell you what you'd you. Most of you would go with Guy A, and it's not difficult to guess why. Sex, looks, attraction…they all sell, much like Valentine's. Let me ask you something, if Valentine's was as benign as they made it sound, bolstering love and that gooey goodness, why are we spending so much damn money? Because…it sells. The quicker you realize that shit, the better for all of us.." he explained.

A man stood from the crowd, "so let me ask you something… what's your suggestion for those of us, who actually want to go out of way and treat our special love ones with something a little special. Is that so wrong to do? Yes we're soliciting the season, but come on… its just one day"

"Well sir… that's your business. How you decide to go about celebrating Valentine's day, penniless or not, is completely up to you. Let's get something straight, I'm in a relationship currently -

-"With meee!" Yuffie shouted out.

Reno smirked while the crowd laughed.

"But the truth is, do I stop pleasing my girlfriend with things that she likes?" Reno asked, "I physically can't if you know my girl. But do I opportunistically look to Valentine's as the only day to give her something special? No. I don't. You see, life, experience, and some very close encounters with death has taught me, if you love a woman or a man, don't find an occasion to treat them right. Don't make them say you're only thinking about them on those universal days… have them say instead, you've taught about them on this day or that day. Stop using Friday and Saturday as the only days to perk up your love life. Damn it, find a day like Tuesday or Thursday and spice up life. Buy your love ones something they didn't expect without a reason or occasion, change the beat to your life. Go party at a place you both couldn't imagine… do something different with your lives and stop living it stereotypically. That sir.. is what I would do." Reno said…

"So let me ask you something Mr. Sinclair… how is someone who, lets just say recently broke up from a relationship, is suppose to deal with Valentine's?" asked a man.

"Well… if I was that guy, I'd probably say go clubbing. I've realized there are lots of hurting, lonely and sometimes confused people going to clubs and in a strange way, a club helps us to relax, unwind… break free. It's a place that doesn't broadcast itself as a playing field for prospective relationship, but it's a start. Loads of men and women go there to drink booze and dance the night away. In the universe's strange way of cosmic attraction, two souls find themselves dancing against each other, or having small talk and then one thing leads to another. Be it the simple exchange of numbers, or having a night cap or talking a stroll." He paused, "not a clubby person? No biggie, have a guys night out or maybe try new things like for the completely daring, bunjie-jumping, or paint ball shooting, or riding a horse or surfing. Spend the day burning yourself out with things you never thought you could do. Show yourself you are capable of being alone, and making as much purpose as there is in life. Being alone isn't easy, but its something you have to deal with. You need to know loneliness to know what it means to live with who you are, because when you meet that special someone, that's who they'll see so don't sell yourself short or be mad that's its Valentine's. It's your day too, to do whatever you want to do, so make it a good one" he smiled.

The crowd stared at him in awe.

"Reno, I have a problem being alone because if anyone knows me, I'm a Mcdaddy" a young man started, "but I really like this girl and I'm not sure if she's taking me seriously. How do I tell her, I like her and I want her to be my Valentine's?" the man asked.

"Well… from one Mcdaddy to another, the key to getting the girl to take you seriously, is to stop acting like a prick" Reno laughed, "now I'm not saying you act like that, but if you're anything like how I used to be, then I would pray for someone to tell me that. You see women are quite calculated creatures. They like laid back, they like funny, but when it comes to love and their heart, they like committed and serious. Play with a woman's heart and by the power invested in their feminine constitution you will be destroyed. It's only fair to say, it goes for men as well. A good man doesn't want a woman who's flirty with every Tom, Dick, and Harry. He wants to know you have some sort of interest in him above the others, otherwise for the most part you're a playful muse to ..muse from a distance. If you like her, like you say you do, show her you like her and make her know that she's the one." Reno said.

"I have a question" a blond man stood up.

Reno smirked, "lets hear it Strife"

"There's this woman I've known for a long time, and we grew up together but during the years I fell distant. I was surrounded by a past that deeply hurt me and while she was there through all my suffering, for the kids… for everyone, I somehow left her..alone. Everyday, she greets me with that same smile, that same laugh… that same, sweet heart but I know, I don't deserve her kindness or her love, but to be a reserved man, a silent man, would make a fool. After all, I've been doing it for so many years, goodness kami, if she only knew how I felt" he paused, "there's no simple way to ask her to forgive me, or to reassure her I want…" he faded…

"You want what, Cloud?" Reno asked.

"I want to be with her" he said

"I've always wanted to be with her. But the question that lingers in my heart, is it too late to even try…or should I linger in the defeat of my thoughts for what I have wrought her with?" Cloud asked.

"Strife… we've all known you for a long time and we know with all our being that that girl – Tifa, she's always loved you. She has waited so long for you, and while some of us don't think you deserve her, to deny her what she's waited years and years for, would be the greatest of sins. You wanna know what to do?" Reno got off the stool and descended the stairs, "stop running. Stop turning around…stop pretending you don't feel what she feels for you. Don't act like you can't be what she wants you to be when damn it Strife, you want to be that too. You can't fool yourself anymore because its too damn tiring and you know if you keep this up, the belief, the hope she has in you, might one day die. Which is your ultimate fear." Reno shook his head, "she loves you, and so does the children and chances are if you ever asked her what she would miss most about the life she's lived, it would probably be not being able to see you happy more." Reno paused, "for a man you like you Cloud, whose slayed the greatest threat of the planet, whose saved the human race, why do you make it sound like the most difficult obstacle is love itself? Perhaps you have forgotten to see, how good it feels to be loved. The feeling of comfort, friendship, loyalty and peace are things every blind fool misses, so take back your woman Cloud, before… it's too late"

"How?" Cloud asked, simply.

"Thankfully you don't need Valentine's, gifts, jewelry, roses, chocolate – any of that stuff to pull her close and whisper softly in her ear how much you've missed her. Let your arms touch her shoulders, her back. Feel her shiver, feel her gasp. Let her hold you, cry in her arms, take her by the lips and make love to her. Blind her in your surety and let the world crumble beneath your feet. All you have do Cloud, is try…" he paused, "question is… will you?"

The audience stared back at Cloud who stared intently at the floor.

Cloud took his leave and with one look back at Reno, the redhead _knew_…

"Well ladies and gentlemen… I think that's about all the time we have together. I promised Barbara an hour, and an hour it's been. Thank you so much for letting me be your presenter. If any of you should have any questions, Barbara has all my contact information, feel free to contact me."

The crowd applauded Reno heartily.

Barbara started on the microphone, "I want to say Reno, this has been one of the most intriguing and profound sessions we've had all year and on behalf of everyone, we want to say thank you and we appreciate your wisdom on the ideals of love and Valentine's." she shook his hand.

Reno acknowledged her.

"Not a problem. Just doing my job as a _certified vigilante of the peace_." He smirked.

Yuffie grabbed his hand, "lets go before your head blows up…"

* * *

Cloud knew what he had to do, it was clear to him how much of a fool he'd been. He left her believing things she should have never believed. Now he had to make it right.

There she stood, beautiful, tall and almost painfully refined overlooking the children colouring in their colouring books. She was smiling, always the same, bright smile.

"You like it, Tifa?" Marlene asked.

"I do, it's beautiful" Tifa rubbed the small girl's head.

"You like mine more, right?" Denzel jumped up.

She laughed, "I like them both the same way…" Tifa smiled, "how about you guys go put your pictures on the fridge and after that we'll have some cake I baked and juice packs? Sounds good?" she touched his nose.

"Cakeeee!" Denzel screamed, running into the kitchen with Marlene hot on his heels.

"You're amazing…" Cloud started.

Tifa stood there, her eyes still collected on the door.

"You have to make kids feel like they're worth it." She smiled softly.

"When is it your turn?" he asked.

She turned to him, "what do you mean?" she asked…

He came closer, and Tifa could feel the gravity in his eyes centered. The flickering, confused shade of blue in his eyes were no longer there, instead something bright, something… hopeful collected there in its stead.

"I want to say thank you…" he held her hands gently.

She looked at him questioningly, "Cloud?"

"For being there always" he looked down at her small hands… "and I want you to know, I want -

His eyes flickered wildly…

"Yes.." she came closer…

"I want –

The words never came, as his lips took hers in a slow, purposeful kiss. All his love, all his sadness, all his hope… it somehow felt displaced in that one kiss. Cloud deepened the kiss with his hands surrounding the smallness of her waist. One soft kiss led to another, and then another. The sharpness of her heated breath against his ear, and her fingers deep in the tresses of his head, left him tightening his hands in her clothes and grunting softly.

Pulling back, his eyes were replaced with something feral, something… delicious…

"Cloudd" Marlene and Denzel shouted.

Tifa slowly removed herself from his hold and gave him an apologetic look.

"Hey guys…" he gave them a small smile, "what are you up to?" he asked

"We're getting cake, Tifa baked some" Denzel said.

"Did she, mind giving me ..a slice?" he asked playfully.

"Well I dunno, you'll have to work for it," she said flatly…

"Is that so?" he bit his lips, "what would I have to do?"

She grinned, "I'll instruct you later…"

He smirked, "I'll remind you…"

"For now, lets have some cake with the kids…" she smiled softly.

"Cake. Let's have some" he grabbed the kids and they made their way to the kitchen for a fun afternoon full of laughter, juice, cake… and reassured love.

_**The End… **_


End file.
